She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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