I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
