genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
