Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
