I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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