if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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