Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
