i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
