he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
