I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Green mimosas i think yes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
