The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
