508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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