I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so let's talk penis.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
