hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
