Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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