i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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