Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
