I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
