i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
