The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
