No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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