is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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