I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
