remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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