ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
