Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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