Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
