you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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