He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
