I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
