Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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