i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
