Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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