i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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