Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
