Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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