I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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