How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
