I must be too annoying 4 u.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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