Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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