I wanna bring you to show and tell
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
