i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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