she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
