But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Never joke about your clitoris.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
