It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
