i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
