Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm at about main and main street
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
