you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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