I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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