Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My feet surprised me
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