I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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