She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I will die if light touches me.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
