help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
