she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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