I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
