at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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