I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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