im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
