yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
