You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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