Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
