This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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