Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
