...so i touched it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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