you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
