she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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