I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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