yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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