just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
